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THE PIG PAPER 



©1985 PIG PRODUCTIONS ,70 Cotton Drive,l*lississauga,Oritario,Canada L5G1Z9 





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A Pigsclusive mail-interview with MIKE 
bassist with up-coming L.A. skate-punk combo NO F-X: 

First of all, why the name NO F-X as opposed to, say, NO FUN, NO SMOKING, 

SPECIAL F-X, .or TFX-1138? 

Well, I was opposed to the name NO F-X. I thought it was dumb, but (drummist) 

Eric convinced me„ I wanted the name TFX-1138; it made alot more sense to me. 

And how did you come to sign with Mystic Records as opposed to, say. Polygram 

or, better still. Rhino? 

We signed with Mystic coz it's free and there's no hassles. 

You recently toured Nevada, Oregon and Idaho, What was your favourite town 
along the tour, and why? 

Portland, Oregon, because the people there were soooo cool. But Reno had the 
best scene. Even the girls slam in Reno! 

Will your current nationwide swing include a return date in Idaho? And if so 

...WHY?!! 

Yeah, we're going back to Boise. The punx there are cool, and there's a rad 

skate ramp. Plus... it's only seven hours away from Portland! 

Now, on the more personal side, what is your favourite singer or group? 
Bad Religion. 

Favourite food or drink? 
Thai food and cheap beer. 

And if you were stranded on a desert island with just one game-show host, 

who would it be? 

If we were stranded on a desert island, we'd probably just want a mirror. 

Mere's some toss-up questions* fellas: In one word or less, give us your 

immediate thoughts on the following subjects.,, 

Tim Yohannon? Punk rocker. 

Chuck Norris? Bacardi. 

Rowdy Roddy Piper? My dad. 

Nancy Reagan? Bondage queen. 

Coca-Cola's new formula? Dr. Pepper. 

'The Honeymooners"? Sheriff Justice. 

Argyle socks? Boston Red Socks. 

Apartheid? Fucking racists. Fascist assfucks. 

The VMS vs. Beta controversy? Go suck an egg! 

Finally, if Barbara Eden reunited with Larry Hagman and granted NO F-X three 
wishes, what would they be? 

1. Stacks (and MORE stacks!) of Marshalls. 

2. Some talent. 

3. We want to go back to Kansas. 



%*& 



Dear Imants, 
All the kids 
at school 
hate me and 
they throw 
their empty chip bags and burning 
cigarette butts at me. What 
should I do? -Feel Like A Waste 
Receptacle. 

DEAR FEEL LIKE A WASTE RECEPTACLE^ 
WE CAN'T ALL BE ACCOUNTANTS. 
ACCEPT YOUR STATION AND QUIT 
SNIVELLING. A LOT OF KIDS DON'T 
HAVE ANY KIND OF JOB AT ALL, YOU 
MISERABLE LITTLE GEEK. PISS OFF. 




Here's hoping for luck 

Regarding Dr. David Suzuki's 
urges to halt war technology in 
last week's Star. 

It's a sad, sad fact that Cana- 
dians, like lemmings, proceed 
avariciously to the precipice of 
existence with blinkers intact 

If mankind survives the mad- 
ness we call nuclear technology, it 
will be by sheer luck. Have a nice 
day. 

MENDELSONJOE 
Toronto 



Dear Imants, I am sick and tired 

of you ghostwriting my "Imants 

On Romants" column. Why don't 

you get someone to do it properly 

...like me? I mean, it doesn't even sound like me talking 

when you print the replies to the inane queries that your 

perverted readers throw up. -Yours truly, Imants. 

DEAR IMANTS. YOU THINK YOU'RE HOT SHIT DON'T YOU? JUST 

BECAUSE YOU'RE SCHIZOPHRENIC DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE TOUGH, 

SNIVELLING PIECE OF DOG VOMIT. GO EAT A TURDBURGER, YOU 

ASSWIPE. -IMANTS. 



YOU 










Dateline Toronto: and now 
for the bad news! 
Rockabilly is 
dead in Toronto. 
In fact, it's 
been dead for a 
while and the smell of rot- 
ting flesh is stinking up 
the city. The first indica- 
tion came a while ago with 
the mournful passing of 
bands like the One Eyed 
Jacks (with Steve Koch 
and Chris "Baby Jesus" 
Houston), the Hurri- 

j| canes, and most 

SH^J recently, the Tennesee 

Rockets, the stench became somewhat noticeable 
when Johnny Oee Fury denounced his old ways 
and changed his hairstyle and image to main- 
stream. Funeral arrangements were made as the 
Bopcats became the Rock Angels and likewise 
sold out to a broad-based rock sound. But the 
lid was really nailed on the coffin as both 
the Paladins and the Renegades grew their hair 
long and moved their style of music to a 60 's 
style sound. Watch for an announcement of the 
funeral service (closed casket, of course). 
And while the Sidewinders may also be gone to 
their eternal resting place, we may take com- 
fort that the lone survivor of these casual- 
ties, Handsome Ned, is carrying on. In fact, 
go out and buy his new 45! It may not be 
rockabilly. but his countrified sounds are the 
next best thing. See ya at the Grand Ole 
Cameron (Toronto's answer to Nashville)! 

Whoops, the Tennesee Rockets just got back 
together ! 



BBTTf 



IAJE 



T roFFBB SHOP 
osoo **»*« B , UV °- «2i3> 327-H« 3 

GABOENA' 



, DOWN'n'OUT in LEAVENWORTH I 
( or Dial 73673«-Q12) ^5HwO»ua^ § 

TEN RECORDS I'D LIKE TO HAVE WHILE 
SERVING LIFE WITHOUT POSSIBILITY OF PAROLE 

1.NEW CHRISTS "LIKE A CURSE" 45 

2. THE CURE "PORNOGRAPHY" LP 

3. PERSONALITY CRISIS.. "CREATURES FOR AWHILE" LP 
4. SOCIAL DISTORTION. "MOMMY'S LITTLE MONSTER" LP 

5.HUSKER DU... "ZEN ARCADE" Double LP 

6. RUIN "HE-HO" LP 

7. SCIENTISTS "BLOOD RED RIVER" EP 

8. THE SMITHS "HATEFUL OF HOLLOW" LP 

9.R0XY MUSIC... "FOR YOUR PLEASURE" LP 

10. KRAUT "WHETTING THE SCYTHE" LP